Me: Oh your dog is sooo cute! He looks like Chewbacca, I mean in a really adorable way!
A: What is Chewbacca?
Me: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Oh, no

A few weeks ago I moved in with a friend and her boyfriend, and I just realised something terrible. Something awful. Something that will impact me in untold ways.

My friend's boyfriend's name starts with an I. HOW AM I GOING TO WRITE AMUSING STORIES IF I REFERENCE HIM AS "I" ALL THE TIME? Example: Today I and I decided to clean the carpets. YOU SEE? IT DOES NOT WORK.

As I see it, there are only three solutions:

- Convince I to change his name to Herbert (OH MY GOODNESS SEE HOW ANNOYING THAT "I" THING IS ALREADY?)
- Give him a substitute name on this blog
- Kill him and make someone with a SENSIBLE NAME move in

My brother: You probably don't remember this but you came into my room at about 3am and raged at me because I had the TV too loud and it woke you up. You looked like you'd suffered a psychotic break... I was genuinely scared. (Thoughtful silence) If you ever go to uni you should avoid shared accomodation.

Today I was sitting at my desk, reading lamebook and eating yogurt. I missed my mouth, smearing mango ski all over my chin. Probably should invest in a bib.

L: I'm like Joan Holloway because I have big boobs and am outspoken. You're Peggy because you're quiet and smart, and K's like Don Draper except he's gay and nobody here would sleep with him anyway.

Sometimes I worry that one day at work I'll answer the phone "Dunder Mifflin this is Pam"

Today

Today I feel really grateful for my friends and everything I've shared with them. Even the first time we drank gin and my mobile phone fell out of my pocket and A threw up on it. For about 20 minutes she puked like Brundlefly, unable to move. Needless to say my parents were not impressed. Even the time we were so bored we balanced open cans of coke on top of N's car and took bets on how long one would last without spilling. Even the time E and G told us we were going to McDonald's and instead took us to their sexy math teacher's street and we hid in the back seat while they tried to work out which house was his. Especially the time we convinced S that we saw an alien at the headland and she wanted to call the police. Or the time A and I convinced S we found blood everywhere in an abandoned building and bloody writing on the walls and when she went in to take a photo we both started screaming hysterically and she nearly had a heart attack. I'll never forget how hard we laughed as she said she hated us and drove off, leaving us on the side of the road in a small country town hours away from home, laughing too hard to care, and how when we eventually calmed down we found her around the corner eating honey soy chicken chips and trying not to smile.