Friend: I like how you write these bitter, super-scathing rants on your blog and then you're so genuinely nice in the comment section, like hey thanks so much for commenting, smiley face!

Friend: You haven't blogged lately
Me: Yeah, I don't really know if I'm going to keep blogging
Friend: Hey you should write on your blog about that (mimes head exploding) MIND FUCK!

Friend: It's nice that you mention me on your blog, really I am flattered, but I see that me saying these mean things has resulted in you deciding to punish me by referring to me simply as "friend"