Friday, September 17, 2010

This is why we can't have nice things

The article I'm about to discuss is the stupidest thing I've read in a while, and at first I honest to goodness believed it was a work of satire.

I don't think any amount of beating my head against my desk could possibly sum up the equal parts outrage and total mystification I felt upon reading this article.

After all, it makes perfect sense. Women are stupid and incapable of making jokes or having a sense of humour. However if a woman does try to make make you laugh you should IMMEDIATELY shut them down. Women need to know their place; being quiet and pretty and falling in line at all times. A woman will find this assertion of your dominance adorable and hilarious.

When (not if, because women are fucking idiots) a woman tries to make friendly small talk, always respond in the petulant manner of an angsty teenager and trying to make her feel very, very stupid for even trying. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES give a polite answer, it shows weakness. Women have no dignity and love to be treated like dirt!

Once you've degraded and humiliated a woman into submission, you should hit her and talk to her like a child. Also play on her insecurities and tell her she has bad breath. This could only be a good thing.

Tell her she's fat (but only if she's not actually fat, real fatties have no sense of humour). If a woman is thin and attractive she automatically has excellent self confidence and would not at all feel insecure after such an unnecessary remark.

Women are fickle and by confusing her you can only hope to trick her into thinking you're open minded.Make her feel extremely stupid by disregarding everything she says. (Women find men who make them feel worthless rather alluring).

Very attractive women are the only ones deserving of any respect, obviously. Pretend you hate her if she shows any signs of not being The Perfect Woman. Constantly forcing someone to second guess themselves always has a positive outcome.

Women also deserve to be alotted points for good behaviour, be treated like objects, and have their personality reduced to a juvenile, depersonalising rating system.

None of these things will be as hilarious and charming without use of delivery. If you use the tips in this article, over time your partner's confidence will be eradicated so dramatically that she'll never leave you! Emotional abuse? No, my friend, it's called humour.


  1. AH MY GOSH!!! That made article made me want to weep. 'Top 10 ways to be an obnoxious bastard that all women will hate!' well done.

  2. also, I showed this to my male co-workers and they didn't seem particularly amused... I mean, they kind of laughed... but I think this might be how males think! Ahhhh nooo!

  3. It's repulsive isn't it? Just... who thinks of such utter crap? ugh.
    I don't know why I'm surprised, though, it is after all *shudder*