Me: (on phone): Hey Mum! I'm coming home on Thursday
Mum: Wait, I'll put you on speaker
Me: (having long since given up telling her speakerphone is pointless because I can barely hear her and Dad doesn't listen to the conversation anyway, I remain silent)
Mum: (muffled) can you hear me?
Dad: (making incoherent noise in background that sounds like "Hey Ali", but like he's been gagged and is underwater)
Me: Yes. Yes I can.
Mum: Oh I can't wait for you to come home! We can go to Kelly's on Friday! And go shopping! I'm so pleased. I bet you're excited to get back to your car!
Me: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Mum: Your brother's been driving your car to school every day!
Me: (horrified into silence)...
Mum: But don't worry, I've thought about this, you can just drop him and his friends off at school in the morning.
At this moment I am picturing my brother's friends, who all seem to be in the vicinity of 6'2''+, gigantic-shouldered hulking masses who occasionally peek through their matted, greasy hair to mumble such witty one-liners as "hey BIG AL, ha ha ha it's funny cos you're short".
Me: Mum, I don't know-
Mum: He'll love it! (I have to note here that my mother is a sweet person who has never used sarcasm in her life)
Me: Don't you think it will be like that episode of "The Simpsons" where Homer drives the kids to school? And he's like, "You jive turkey! A turkey is a bad person. You guys listen to Grand Funk Railway?". I mean no seventeen-year-old boy wants his nerdy sister dropping him off at school. Don't you think? Mum?
(There is silence on the other line except for my dad laughing in the background)

Oh well. At least he listened to that conversation.