What could be better

You know what's better than sitting in front of people with a screaming baby on an 11-hour train ride? People with a screaming baby who eat with their mouths open and constantly rustle packets. And a girl next to you who alternated between a)sleeping with the tray-table down, totally comatose, thus preventing you from getting out of your seat and b)on her mobile phone, her entire vocabulary consisting of variants of "I'm raging aye, I'm so fuckin' angry". And a woman who is having what she seems to think is a private D&M with a bewildered-looking old woman, only due to her mirror-shattering loud voice everyone in the carriage can hear it, talking about "kids these days and my 16 year old daughter's just had her second abortion, back in my day things were different!". And a totally charming individual, some guy threatening to jump off the train if we don't stop soon so he can have a smoke, making fun of the train attendant or whatever you call them ("that guy's a full homo aye! oh my god, like a full fucking FAG"). And the train guy threatens to call the police. And kids are running around screaming their tiny lungs out. And then the train driver somehow found out his daughter had terminal cancer and all hell broke loose.