my brain is ruined.

My friend Bert is one of my favourite people to make "your mum" jokes with, and indeed in highschool my group of friends became obsessed with the "your mum" and "that's what she said" lines. We all blame my friend Bart (not to be confused with Bert) because he was from a small country town and brought those phrases with him when he came to our school. It was year twelve and I was housesitting for neighbours abroad in Vietnam. My friends all more or less appointed themselves guardians because they didn't want me to be alone. This caretaking consisted of eating all my food and playing computer games. Also they raided my neighbour's vintage playboy collection (3 hours later, "Alex, this thing is just FULL OF WRITING"), but that's another story. By the end of my stint as house and dog sitter all our vocabularies had shrunk to "your mum" and "that's what she said".

Bart: I'm going to eat the last of this muesli
Nick: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Matt: I'm going to bed now
Aaron: Yeah me too... WITH YOUR MUUUUUUUM AHAHAHAHAHAHA

It got so bad in the end Bart began giving what we later dubbed "The Bart Glare", which was a fearsome gaze he would implement under great annoyance. This was it; you know you've crossed the line when your jokes upset the laziest nerd you know. We tried valiantly to stop but it became a new game to see who could achieve the best Bart Glare. Eventually however, my neighbours came back to Australia and we all went back to our respective homes. The phrase died out. We began with basics like "Yes", "no", "pass the salt please". Personally I think heroin addicts have it easier than we did; you can always avoid heroin but you HAVE to talk. Anyway, I digress.

I just saw a comment on facebook from Bert in a conversation with another friend; "Tender. How's your mum?"
I immediately began to laugh hysterically. Bert, you crazy kid, what could have brought on a revival of "Your mum" jokes? As is the nature of facebook, I decided to stalk/read the rest of the conversation.

Bert: You have to see Get Him to the Greek, it's AWESOME
Friend: Haha okay I will. How's your ankle?
Bert: Tender. How's your Mum?
Friend: She's still in hospital but getting better :)

I blame Bart for this misunderstanding.