Monday, April 12, 2010

Dear people who insist in making groups on facebook (often on a subject that already has 34 groups and 605,783 members, but whatever, I'm not judging you),

Yes, I imagine whether it's your passion for chicken sandwiches or your strong feelings on Tiananmen Square, you've probably got a lot of emotions. I imagine this causes you one day to be in your favourite cafe eating a bagel when you notice that, say, they've neglected to add the cream cheese you so politely requested. You race home, breathing heavily and sweating on public transport, or maneuvering your bicycle through heavy traffic with the Mission Impossible theme song in your head and adrenaline coursing through your veins. You race up your street, heart pounding, unlock the door, grapple with 10,000 tangled cables to retrieve your laptop. Now you type eractically, forehead vein throbbing, too passionate to care about spelling or grammar: "THAT MOMENT OF SHAME WHEN YOU ORDER SOMETHING AND IT COMES OUT WRONG AND YOUR TO SHY TO SAY ANYTHING!!". Create group. Click.

Today I saw a bunch of my friends had joined a PETA support group. Strongly disliking PETA myself I began the search for something along the lines of "Fuck PETA and their joke of an organisation and their unethical treatment of animals, not to mention immature protest tactics, petty name calling and throwing paint on Lily Allen when she was wearing fake fur, UNCOOL PETA that shit is expensive to dry clean". All I found were groups stating things on their page like, " I am a member of peta and proud of the fact. People Eating Tasty Animals", "Animals don't have rights", "There is a place for all Gods' creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes", "correct me if im wrong, if you mistreat animals wont they try and kill you when you ride them?". Oh my, such intelligence and insight my brain might just melt and leak out of my nostrils. Just a side note, when you state "if you support these qualities, (of PETA's) then you have a low intelegence level" and you weren't being ironic when you misspelt the word intelligence then I'm not going to join your fucking group.
Maybe instead I'd put a sticker that says "REDNECK" on my forehead. Perhaps I'll get a Southern Cross tattoo? Dye my hair blonde and not bother covering the regrowth because Britney did it and everything worked out for her, right?
Or maybe I'll just shut up, quietly join thought-provoking groups like "NOOO CLING WRAP DON'T CLING TO YOURSELF" and be smug about how awesome and superior I am.

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