Tuesday, April 27, 2010

What's your biggest fear? The death of a loved one? Drowning? Heights? Sharks? Snakes? Spiders? All valid fears, make no mistake, but you're most likely overlooking the most dangerous, the most evil, brutal, vicious and frightening creature of our time. They walk the streets. They catch public transport. You might even know one: the Crazed Teenage Girl. Make no mistake, there are plenty of ordinary teenage girls and it's almost impossible to tell the difference. They go undetected in their Team Jacob t-shirts and jeggings, sparkly lipgloss and ipods blaring Miley Cyrus. These teenage girls are harmless, right?
Yes, harmless. Harmless until you bring a certain pre-pubescent male into the picture...

A bleeding baby seal swimming into a Great White Shark colony comes to mind.

So on the weekend thousands of hormone-fuelled, rabid teenage girls foaming at the mouth screamed bloody murder in Circular Quay with clawing and shoving that would put Christian Bale to shame. Personally I think these girls had the right idea. I don't know about you, but I always imagined that one day I'd be at a concert screaming like I'd fallen into a meat grinder, eyes wild and bloodshot, and the musician of my dreams would pluck me, me out of the crowd. That girl! He'd say. The one who just tore the other girl's ear off with her teeth to get to the front row! (see there, with the blood-soaked shirt?). She's clearly not in need of psychiatric help and possibly going to kill me in my sleep. She's The One. I'm going to marry that girl!

1 comment:

  1. Genius. Why do I love your posts so much? Harsh and hilarious truth nuggets...that's why.