For the last month or so, my jaw has been clicking every time I eat a meal. Now it's started to seize up and is so painful I can't open my mouth properly. I think this is possibly God's delayed reaction to my 15-year-old self praying to wake up in a size six body. Or maybe it was all those times I went back for "one more cheeseburger and I swear I'll start a diet tomorrow". I picture a man in flowing robes watching me on a Big-Brother type setup, tearing at his beard screaming "JUST PUT DOWN THE FUCKING CAKE, IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. OKAY THAT'S IT, WIRE THE JAW".
That's okay though, I just ate a slice of cheesecake by slotting tiny pieces through the inch-sized gap between my teeth. Mmmmmm painful encounters of creamy Sara Lee goodness prompted by insatiable greed. My favourite.