Dad’s friend:…so do changes in weather slow down zombies? snow? humidity? You think we’d be safer in Australia?

Dad: You think they’d get dehydrate, but…

My uncle: No, no I don’t think so… it doesn’t seem to work. No, what you do is you wait until they all start dying of hunger

Dad: But how long would that take? Months?

Dad’s friend: By then, normal food is spoilt, you’re running out of canned food and you don’t have any fresh fruit or vegetables, you get sick…

My Uncle: Nah, get some meat into you… I reckin you want to reduce veg intake, eat more protien, shoot better

Dad: So then you get some fuckin’ bush tucker

Dad’s friend: Kangaroos, bush turkies, crocs… gotta shoot a good sized one. I nearly shot my foot off once trying to get a croc, I’d never shot through water before

Dad: What about supplies? The batteries go, your torches go, then you eventually run out of candles, you need to learn to make candles

My Uncle: Use fat from the dead fucking bodies!

My Dad: We should join the facebook group, “Ïf zombies attack, meet us at Bunnings Warehouse”. You joined that, didn’t you Alex?

Dad’s friend: But Bunnings isn’t next to a coles, that makes no sense, where do we get food?

My Dad: They always have those barbeques and shit though. Just eat a fuckin sausage