Friday, January 29, 2010

I remember in early high school when Physical Education was mandatory... those were the days. That is, the days of humiliation and pain.

PE was basically a cesspit of students, predominantly featuring the aggressive, popular kids and the non-athletic reclusive types, such as myself, and then arming us with hockey sticks. The world was still a sunny place and I had not yet decided I wanted everyone at my school to die in a fiery blaze. Being a chubby kid my teachers took no interest in me despite the fact that I always tried hard, volunteered first, and wasn't a half bad team player. Every term I'd take home the same report; "Alex would do well to improve her overall health and fitness". In year 10 I re-emerged much lighter and a good 4 inches taller. This was due to a rigorous lifestyle change (I had a Twin Peaks addiction and regularly forgot to eat while watching it). Suddenly my PE teacher could remember my name and I took home a positively glowing report, despite the fact that I'd long stopped making contact with any sports equiptment, or even bringing my uniform on a consistent basis.

To this day there is a dejected little fat kid inside of me that still feels bitter, and hopes all asshole P.E. teachers are forced to a special place in hell where they have to stand on hot coals and eat each others eyeballs, while listening to Nickelback.


  1. Ahh, Twin Peaks. Is there nothing that how can't do?

  2. i totally agree. ah, agent cooper. best. character. ever.