I hate how blindingly bright new sneakers are. I just purchased a new pair of converses and I feel like they’re saying “Hey! Look at me! my brightness is a clear indication that the person wearing me, in her casual jeans-and-tshirt regalia actually cares enough to have recently purchased new shoes. What a tosser”.

The white parts are so incredibly, outrageously white I think you could probably see them from Neptune. What’s that? an atomic explosion? A nuclear holocaust? Dave Grohls teeth? No? Must be new sneakers.