Something that really irritates me, and I mean gets under my skin with a vengeance, is people who can't identify eye colour. Personally I think it's that people quite often struggle to accept they do not have a rare eye colour and are therefore hideously boring with absolutely no redeeming qualities (I am very important and worldly and am allowed to make such assumptions, didn't you know?) In my experience people with hazel eyes are the main offenders and often proclaim to have green eyes, which quite frankly shits me up the wall. Really, I say, trying to be polite, I think your eyes are more hazel. They look at me, confused. Stupid bitch, don't you know green eyes are just that much more interesting? Can't you just play along?

My eyes are a funny sort of mottled grey and blue and, dare I say it, green... think mildewy cement. However this tiny amount of colour often causes people to make that all-too-common mistake of jumping all over the Wrong Eye Colour.

"Hey, wow, your eyes are really green!"

"Um, no" I will say. "They're not."

This often has the effect of looking someone dead in the eye and pronouncing that you're Santa.